peu a peu

The Perils of Porn--Man's Missing Moral Compass

2006-09-25T20:58:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I know that some of you have already clicked out of my blog. "Agh. Here we go. Another feminist..." and so forth and so on. But WAIT! I really need to vent.

I realize that this is a really tough topic and one that people, especially people in our community, don't talk about often. But this is a topic that has been eating away at me for years, and I feel like I could SCREAM because I've held in my feelings for this long.

I don't even know where to start. I guess I just need to vent. So hang on, deal with my anger on the topic, or leave.

Why is porn so wrong? Why is it wrong to feel good? If I'm looking at something that I enjoy and that turns me on, how in the WORLD can it be bad?

I'll tell you.

I think porn is, first and foremost, cheating. Don't call me old fashioned, either. I'm not. I don't cook and I rarely clean. I am a very modern woman, so that's not it. It is cheating, and it always has been.

It deprives man of the gift of intimacy that we've been given from God. Sex is boring without love and intimacy. Try it, if you've not already, and I'm sure you'll find the same thing, eventually.

Porn hurts. It hurts the ones that we love the most. How can a woman possibly feel beautiful when she's held to such high standards? It's really hard to feel beautiful when you've got that kind of competition. Have you ever SEEN these women? Oh. My. Goodness. Let's just say that I'll never be that "beautiful." You have to be one super strong woman to be able to handle your spouse having a huge porn problem. Most of us are not super strong.

Porn promotes violence.

In the President's Report on Pornography (1988), Attorney General Edwin Meese concluded that there is a causal relationship between hard core pornography and serial homicide. The personal testimonies of the convicted murderers Gary Bishop and Ted Bundy have also confirmed this association.

What happened to men? I mean real men... Do they exist? If so, somebody PLEASE tell me where they are.

There has to be a man out there that feels like I do. If not, I will grow up to be a single old woman with 500 cats (this is what Emily says, anyway). I don't care. Really. I will be HAPPY to be the weird old woman that the whole town talks about.

Phew. I'm stepping down now.

Thanks for helping out with my soap box. Feel free to add some fuel.

Here are some sites to check out if you're as pissed off as I am:
http://www.contentwatch.com/learn_center/article.php/101

http://forerunner.com/forerunner/X0332_Ted_Bundy.html

http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/7/82004d.asp

http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/fi/mcelroy_17_4.html

You'll have to excuse the non-fun links above--you know how I feel about links...
and if you don't, please feel free to contact me via my gmail.

My Crazy, Upside-down Life

2006-08-31T13:26:00.000-04:00

Life's been a little crazy here lately. I mean REALLY STINKING CRAZY. I would share all of the gruesome details with you, but you should be spared. Trust me on this one.

In a nutshell, life has been falling to pieces in the past month. I don't even know how I'm functioning, really, but somehow, I still get up for work, eat, and sleep, occasionally.

At the moment, I'm trying to stuff some grilled chicken and rice (at least I'm trying to eat healthy during my quarter-life crisis, right?) in my face for lunch while blogging, talking to a real a-hole investor, answering questions that are screamed at me from across the hall, and trying to ignore my Nextel. This scene reflects the shape my mind is in right now.

I won't go on and on. It doesn't do any good to complain, really, even if I type out my complaints. So I've decided to share some photos with you since I accidentally brought my camera with me to work. Pictures are relaxing.

Curly on the Stone Fireplace

Beautiful Sky fromMy Back Yard

Sunset From My Back Porch

Asher Spotted at McDonalds!

2006-08-22T11:45:00.000-04:00

This is going to be a really short post because I have a jillion-and-a-half (is that really supposed to be hyphenated?) things that are hanging over my head and I think they may fall on me at any given moment. But I simply MUST share with you my experience.

First of all, I'm feeling a way that I've never felt before. With Steph being all prego, I get really emotional. I don't know if it's that sister connection or what, but it's getting a little crazy. I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS worried. Every time that Steph calls me at work and I'm not there my mind starts playing games with me. I almost get frantic! There's a flipside to the coin, however. I bought Asher Paul a pair of overalls, a shirt, and some kicks from Old Navy a few weeks back and get this: I cried in Old Navy when I found the right outfit! I know people must have been thinking I was for DEFINITE a weirdo girl. It's just a pair of overalls, for Pete's sake! I dunno. Weird things are happening.

That leads me to my most recent waiting-on-baby story. This morning I was sitting in the drive-thru at McDonald's (what IS wrong with me? Wal-Mart and McDonald's are like cousins or something) and This little boy with thick, blonde hair was holding his Papa's hand. They were both grinning from ear to ear. Of course when they look over at me I had to start crying. I'm out of control! Anyway, they were holding hands and talking. When I saw this, I had some sort of flash-forward experience. I could see Asher and my dad going to McDonald's. And then I could see me in my thirties taking 10 year old Asher out for the day. It was such a neat moment.

Anyway, that's all. Just wanted to share. Can you tell I'm excited? It seems like it's taking FOREVER for me to have a nephew.

I'm sure that's not the last gushy Aunt Scooter and baby Asher story that I'll tell.

Have a FABULOUS TUESDAY!

My Homework

2006-08-15T18:33:00.000-04:00

Everyone else was having so much fun doing their homework that, for once, I decided to do mine. So here it is--the 10 songs that influenced me the most and a few explanations to boot.
P.S. --Don't expect links. We all know I don't/can't do links well. Which reminds me...
Every body went and changed their addresses! Do you all know how HARD IT WAS FOR MARY TO TEACH ME TO DO LINKS?

10. Miranda Lambert, "New Strings"
I'm not sure if you've heard this song or not, I'm going to go with no if you aren't a country listener. This song is really good. It's one of my favorites for now, anyway. I'm bound to change my mind tomorrow.

9. Garth Brooks, "Longneck Bottle"
I love this song, still, after all these years of playing it over and over and over. I love it because it reminds me of swing dancing with Doobie, my best friend from high school. Good times.

8. Bob Dylan, "Lay, Lady, Lay"
And I love this one just because I'm facinated by him. His voice, his style, his life, everything about Bob Dylan. Oh, and it is just plain sexy sounding.

7. Jennifer Knapp, "A Little More"
Again, I have a great memory to associate with this song. I sang this song with Brian playing guitar and singing backup when I was a senior in high school. It was really the first time that I'd let myself go when I sang. That's when I discovered how good it is when you sing from the inside. Brian and I really got into this song and I think of our duet every time I hear it. When we got finished, I think we both felt like, "Whoa." And chillbumps and all that.

6. Patty Griffin, "Living With Ghosts"
She's always amazing--I don't think she can MAKE anything that's bad. But this entire album was with me through some really crappy times. The worst, in fact. She's just so unleashed in this album. But this song in particular got me riled up and that, in turn, kept me alive.

5. Bob Dylan, "Blowin In the Wind"
I'm trying really hard not to be redundant. I'm not boring, I just really like Bob Dylan. This song makes me want to love. I can't explain it. Bob Dylan has just got it.

4. Brooks & Dunn, "Red Dirt Road"
This song reminds me of the crazy stunts that I've pulled. It makes me happy. It's the story of life, the good and bad, and how you can't really separate the two.

3. Patty Griffin, "Rowing Song"
Once again, this song pulled me through some tough times. That's what good music does. "I'm alone and Alive," I still sing this to myself. If you've not heard this song, please, please go to www.pattygriffin.com. You must.

2. Thomas Dorsey, "Precious Lord, Take My Hand"
This guy wrote this song for his wife who died while giving birth to their child. There are no words that I can use to describe the way I feel when I sing or hear this song.

1. Chopin, "The Raindrop Song"
I really should know the real name to this song, but it's burned into my brain forever as the Raindrop Song. That's what my Mom calls it. My mom would play this song for us and Steph and I would lie on the floor with our blankets until we fell asleep. This is, by far, my #1 song.
Baby Asher Paul will know this song well, I think.

HELLO OUT THERE!

2006-08-11T13:25:00.000-04:00

Wow. So it's really been a while since I've had a good chat with all you blogger-friends. I'm such a horrible blogger-friend! Life has been really chaotic lately, so I'll just blame my lack of communication on life. Sounds good. I got a chance to see Elizabeth the other day. Seeing her (gosh, she's so pretty:) made me realize that I can't give up blogging. I tried. I JUST CAN'T DO IT. Blogging is too good to be true. I love the fact that I can say whatever I want on peu a peu. I love that blogging connects me to you, even when you are miles and miles away.

So lately, this job thing has been controlling my every move. I am a puppet. I've been bound by necessity for months now and it's high time that I take a break. The more I work, the more isolated I am. That seems so ironic to me because I have a job that is very social. But it's the surface-social thing, you know? It's not deep, there are no real connections. Well, a few, but not really that many.

I hope that you are all well, and I can't WAIT to catch back up with you.

I wish you a fabulous Friday!

Unoriginal, Again?

2006-05-05T17:08:00.000-04:00

I thought Madame Rubies' post was quite fun. I loved seeing her post instead of reading it (not that I don't like to read her blog, but pictures are ALWAYS fun), so I thought I'd be a copy cat. Or maybe we should call it being a Dylan. So, Heather (who's new hair cut is so cute that I'm jealous) is a Dylan, and that makes me a double Dylan. Anyway, my Photo Survey:

1. Somewhere you want to travel someday:

2. Somewhere you want to live someday:

3. Where you live now:

4. Item/celebrity/trend/tv show/movie from the year you were born (like toys, books, musicians, hair styles, etc.:

5. One of your favorite tv shows:

6. One of your favorite childhood books/stories:

How can I possibly choose between these?

7. Favorite Fast Food Place:

8. Favorite Singer/Band:

(my favorite is this guy's son!)

9. Something that you could find in a forest:

10. Your favorite season:

11. Favorite Disney Movie:

12. Favorite non-Animated Disney movie:

13. Picture of Something that's your favorite color:

14. Celebrity with the same first name as you:

15. Celebrity you look like:

16. Favorite Movie :

My Wednesday Replay!

2006-05-03T12:09:00.000-04:00

David H. and I went camping with some of our best friends last weekend. Trey and Maria are so much fun and I love that we can COMPLETELY be ourselves when we are all together. It’s amazing how enduring our friendship has been since we’re an unlikely bunch. Trey and I are more alike than Maria and I are, and Maria and David are more like than Trey and David. Got all that? Phew. Here are just some of the differences between us: Maria is a pretty outspoken person and also has very conservative views and values. Every outfit that Trey owns he also has a hat to match (maybe not every SINGLE outfit, but pretty close to it). If you know David, he DOES NOT match his clothes. It's not that he can't, he just doesn't. Anyway, Trey is an amazing people person and he is the happiest person I’ve ever met. David and I on the other hand, like to be secluded—we really love alone time. We're happy and all, it's just that Trey LOVES people and he LOVES to be around them all the time. As for our beliefs? David and I are a bit uninterested in politics because it gives us a big headache. Yes, it gives US a headache. Politics gives us a joint headache, so we just do our best to avoid the subject all together these days. But in theory, we’re liberals. We’re not extreme, but we’re liberal nonetheless. And generally, outspoken conservative people don’t get along with people like us. But Trey and Maria do. How perfect! Religious beliefs are the one solid thing that we all share. I really don't have enough time or energy to get into our religious beliefs. It could take years.

Anyway, we spent an entire weekend with them at a Tennessee State Park and we LOVED every minute of it. We went to Amish Country and we gawked at the Amlets. The unofficial definition of an Amlet is: “an Amish child; rude travelers with no sense of social etiquette sometimes refer to Amish children as these.” (Hawkins and Arnold Dictionary, 2006)
Above: David Crockett State Park

We went out to eat on Saturday evening (much to our dismay, since each one of us was looking forward to eating smoked hot dogs on this night) and had a great time making a scene. Every single person in that restaurant was staring us down when we walked in. I started to wonder, “Do I stink? Do I look bad? What IS everybody staring at?” We could not figure it out. So we decided to give them something to stare about. We laughed too loud and threw in the occasional snort, David made sure all of the people could see his tattoos (he did this because we were thinking that maybe since these country people had never seen us, they might be scared of us or something), and then we performed our grand finale. We all pushed our chairs back on cue. Wooden chairs on a concrete floor—a horrible sound. They stared, and I was glad that I wasn’t alone with all of these people looking at me like I was a Cyclops! People from all angles were cutting their eyes. It was great. On the way out, David couldn’t resist trying to get on my shoulders for a ride.

Ah. What a great weekend. I wish I had some pictures to post of the four of us, but I can never remember my camera when I need it.

Hope your Middle-O'-The-Week-Day is spectacular.

Still TV FREE!

2006-04-28T13:50:00.000-04:00

David and I have been t.v. free for about 2 months now. Want an update on how it's affected us? (You might as well say YES because you know you'll hear it anyway!)

1. We are SMARTER. These days, we come home from work, do our "chores" and settle in with a good book. Since we've thrown out TV altogether, David has finished 2 books and I've finished 1 very large book that I had been trying to finish for months. This is not necessarily extraordinary or anything, but we didn't "have time" to read at all before when we were watching tv.

2. We had TIME to watch tv before? Um, not really. We've found that not only do we have no desire at all for tv anymore, but we've also found that there really isn't any time for it.

3. We drive better. We don't have to hurry home for our favorite shows anymore, and I am convinced that my not rushing home for Oprah makes me a better driver.

4. Our marriage is better than ever. No tv means that you have to do something else for entertainment. We're better friends than ever before because we do something so simple--we talk.

5. We live in a cleaner environment. In our apartment, that is. We have a list of things that both of us do every week to keep the house clean. You wouldn't believe how good you feel when you have a clean place all of the time (well, most of the time).

6. We have more playtime. We're going camping this weekend. Tv doesn't actually give us more playtime, but because we didn't watch any tv last night, we cleaned our entire house in 1 hour. We get to come home to a clean pad. Nice. Thanks, no tv!

That's all for now. Just wanted to do my part to better mankind. (just kidding, sort of!)

Tune in next week for "You Can't Eat My Chocolate Jesus!"

2006-04-26T17:13:00.000-04:00

Not much to report for Wednesday, April 26. Just a few random things:

1.Bush’s approval ratings fell to 33% today. That’s neither too exciting nor too unexpected.

2.Scientists in Venezuela have concocted a fart-free bean, or at least a reduced-fart bean. I know David can’t wait for it to be approved in the US.

3.My car broke down at Wendy’s today. In the rain. Thankfully, it was only the battery. Still, it’s weird that it quit, even if it didn’t really quit, because this morning, I distinctly remember saying to David, “I have a feeling that my car is going to quit. You just wait and see.” Hmmm.

4.I really like my new job. My boss is young and he’s laid back. Coming from the True Work Purgatory (my last job at the law offices), this job is wonderful. My boss and his wife are even taking me out for Administrative Support Day (or secretary appreciation day—whatever you want to call it). I feel so appreciated!

5.Gas prices have risen and so have flight prices….which means that I won’t be going to Boston in June. Sad. But I can’t pay $400 for a plane ticket, I just cannot do it.

6.The Courthouses and related buildings in Montgomery, and possibly all of the city/state buildings in the surrounding area, were closed on Monday. Didn’t you celebrate Confederate Memorial Day too? I can’t believe people actually celebrate this holiday, like its something to be proud of. I am embarrassed FOR my state. Agh. For that matter, I can't believe its a holiday at all. You can argue with me on this one, but you won't change my mind.

That’s all! Have a spectacular Wednesday!

2006-04-19T17:05:00.000-04:00

It's hot and rainy outside, and I'm happy. I walked outside when it was beginning to sprinkle to get the mail. The heat rising off of the pavement combined with the smell of a Summer rain in Alabama takes me back, every time, to my childhood and 121 Teri Lane. The smells of Summer always take me to a far away place, a place untouched by the hard times that life hands out more frequently than government cheese. No one can take these away from me...

Green grass and trees that are almost glow-in-the-dark, and my childhood best friend, Ali, were my life. I lived for the daytime, when I could cut loose and ride my bike through the fresh puddles barefoot. I'd wake up early, go to Ali's house that was one block over, and we'd play until we were sweaty and the sunshine was a memory. Our days were filled with "The Adventures in Kudzo Land," and, later, when we were a little older, they were filled with endless trips to the gas station for Slush Puppies and trips to Emerald Falls that were funded by the family couch change.

Even after Ali moved to the far away land of Goose Creek, South Carolina, I still clung to all that was green. I finally had a boyfriend when I was thirteen and our favorite thing to do together was play hide-and-seek in the woods in the Summer after dark. Much to my boyfriend's dismay, I only wanted to play, not kiss.

No one could take nature, my comfort, away from me.

When my MaLee was doing her part in raising me up, we would dig for earthworms together in the heat of the Summer. Rain always made them fatter, for some reason. I suppose we fished with those worms, but I don't remember it. I just remember how I felt when my hands were next to hers in the dirt.

Somewhere along the way, being alone in nature started to frighten me. I lost whatever comfort in nature that I had found as a child. Who took her from me? Did she go to Goose Creek, too?

Today, the smell of the rain and heat and pavement all swirled together brought my childhood near to my suface, but then it sank back. Maybe it will rain, and rain, and be hot just long enough for whatever it is about the combination of summer heat and nature that makes me alive to bring that child in me back. Even if just for a season.

I hope I can find the little blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired girl and keep her for good, never let her sink back and feel unwanted.

IT IS UNFAIR TO BE TAGGED WHEN YOU DON'T BLOG MUCH ANYMORE!!

2006-04-18T17:21:00.000-04:00

But I didn't have a good topic anyway, so here are my six worst habits in order from ugly to ugliest:

1. I worry about everything from how many calories are hiding in my Fried Chicken Sandwich, to if I am getting wrinkles and my cat is going to die from a resperatory infection and do my feet really look THAT big?

2. I don't talk at all when I am mad. Or I talk too much. Either way, the outcome stinks.

3. I will argue with anything or anybody. No one is safe! But the truth is I like to test the limits--that's just who I am. That's why I like to argue.

4. I have little patience for people sometimes. I will even tell them to get to the point, cut to the chase. I have been so rude to some of my best and most loyal friends because of my impatience.

5. I throw garbage in the floor and seat of my car. It has been really nasty before. I think a few weeks ago I pulled out 10 bags of fast food, and probably 7 of them contained stale suprises.

6. I am always always always late.

And I'm sorry that my annoying tendencies aren't weirdly interesting!

Good Friday

2006-04-14T15:27:00.000-04:00

Can we do a little catching up? I feel like we haven't talked in forever! In reality, it has only been about 3 days since I last posted, but it sure does feel like a month.

Last time we visited, I had just lost my job. Don't worry! I'm still fired. That much has not changed. Phew. I was supposed to stay through the week, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how crappy that would've been. They fired me, but they so desperately need me in the office? Nope. That won't do.

I will start my new job on Monday. I think I'll like it. I'm trying to be positive.

We saw "The Chronicles of Narnia" last night. David and I both read all of the Chronicles of Narnia series as children and adults, way before the movie was born. And as a self-proclaimed Chronicles of Narnia expert, I can say that the movie was brilliantly done. I loved Lucy's character--she was just like the Lucy that I made up in my head. Susan was just as annoying in the movie as she was in the books, and Peter the Magnificent was just as handsome and brave as I dreamed in my childhood he would be. Edmond was a little skinner than I had pictured.
Aslan? He was perfect. He was absolutely perfect. By the end of the movie, I was a kid again, riding on Aslan's back, holding tightly to his maine. What a GREAT movie!

This Sunday is Easter. I really recommend renting the movie, even if you've already seen it. It's an amazing depiction of Christ's love and sacrifice for his children. The movie kept reminding me of a verse:

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. "
Philippians 3:10-12

Anyway, that's all. It's good to be back!

Dreaming with Jim

2006-04-11T15:20:00.000-04:00

I heard this song, which is quite possibly my favorite Jim Croce song, this morning while I was stuck in traffic. It made me smile. It's simplistic and beautiful, and no one has a better voice than Jim.

I GOT A NAME

Like the pine trees linin' the windin' road
I've got a name, I've got a name
Like the singin' bird and the croakin' toad
I've got a name, I've got a name
And I carry it with me like my daddy did
But I'm livin' the dream that he kept hid
Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

Like the north wind whistlin' down the sky
I've got a song, I've got a song
Like the whippoorwill and the baby's cry
I've got a song, I've got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I'll go there proud
Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

And I'm gonna go there free
Like the fool I am and I'll always be
I've got a dream, I've got a dream
They can change their minds but they can't change me
I've got a dream, I've got a dream
Oh, I know I could share it if you want me to
If you're going my way, I'll go with you
Movin' me down the highway
Rollin' me down the highway
Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by

GOD GIVETH!!!

2006-04-10T16:52:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that I am posting this announcement:

I was fired and hired all in one day. God is SO GOOD! I'll be joining the Gold Star Reality team as the office manager this coming Monday. Seriously, how could this be anything but GOD? I know that he's all powerful because they wouldn't call him God if he wasn't, but this is amazing.

The owner of the real estate group came into the law offices and iterviewed me on the spot. He also hired me on the spot.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you Jesus!

You better be careful...

2006-04-10T14:47:00.000-04:00

You better be dang careful what you ask for because you JUST MIGHT GET IT!
Remember my job? At the law offices? Well, in two weeks or so, I won't have that job anymore.
Apparently, somebody up there heard me loud and clear.

I came into work this morning, and my boss said, "Allison, pull up a chair." This is always a scary way to start a conversation. I was thinking as I sat down, "Okay. Either he's pregnant or going bankrupt or about to chew me out. Again. Which one will it be?" Well, he isn't pregnant, and he may be broke, but that's not why he was sitting me down. He sat me down to tell me how this job just isn't a good fit for me. Why, just last week, he had a couple of papers in his hand looking over them, and NOW he can't find them! Somehow, this is my fault. Things that were also blamed on me:
--My boss not having enough money to pay his bills
--My boss leaving his exercise regimin on the floor in his office( If I may add, he ordered me to deliver his workout regimin to the YMCA, "on the double." Yes, that is a direct quote.)
--My boss' anger toward clients and toward me
--My lack of knowledge concerning legal matters

My response (on my blog and not in actual life, of course; I was just trying to not cry as he was listing things that I do wrong) is:
How long was I in law school? Uh--how about ZERO years, ZERO months, days, hours! Of course I don't know much about the law. And since when did I start taking crap off of people, anyway? Why did I just sit there every time this guy cut me down? And, MY HEAVENS!! How dare I not clean up his office for him! If he can't hold on to a paper, I am certainly to blame. As for all of the trips I made for him--taking his "workout regimin" to him at the Y, rushing his checkbook to him so he could bounce a check to look like he was paying a bill...
Forget it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you God for delivering me from the worst possible job EVER!

I have a job interview with a real estate agent this afternoon. The other attorney that I work for gave me an excellent recommendation. He even called the agent and is having the agent come interview me while I'm at work today.

Now that I'm done with all of this crying (I think I was just crying because I've never been "let go" before, and who likes rejection?) I am a little mad. I am mostly ECSTATIC, though. God takes care of his children, that is for sure. And now I don't have to dread going in to work.

I refuse to be upset anymore over something so wonderful.

RRRant!

2006-04-07T16:23:00.000-04:00

A super short rant for Friday...

I. Hate. Computers.

They really aren't THAT reliable, are they? Well, not a dell, anyway.

Even bigger than my general anger towards computers is my frustration with programs. We bought a PDF converter program (the el cheapo kind, not the adobe) so that I could scan documents, turn the documents into pdfs, and then turn the pdfs into Word documents. The particular program that we bought for my use at the office says that with the magical pdf converter I can: "Create and share high-quality PDF files from any Microsoft Window application. Edit PDF documents, regardless of their source, quickly and easily. Or, turn PDF files inot fully-formatted Microsoft Word documents and Excel spreadsheets, complete with text, columns, tables and graphics."

WHAT A CROCK OF CRAP!

This sort of program simply does not work. How can they get by with claiming that the program WILL do something, when it WON'T? False advertising. That's all this is, false advertising.

Any suggestions would be appreciated and found helpful, since I am about to go nutso trying to get this program to work.

And on that HAPPY note, I'll say,
GOOD NIGHT, AND HAPPY WEEKEND!

I Don't Understand Daylight Savings Time!

2006-04-06T15:17:00.000-04:00

Above: sleepy kitty eyes

Today might be the first time since I've worked at the offices of Dewwy, Cheatum, and Howe (corny Dad joke, for all you corny Dad joke fans out there) that I've wanted to nap. At work. This is not a good feeling. I want to be productive, really--I do! But it seems that this week I've been running, constantly trying to catch up with my lost sleep. No, I didn't say sheep; I said sleep. Daylight Savings stole it from me. I want it back! I know I really shouldn't complain; I have a good 8-5 job that pays pretty well, and I pretty much get to mold this job into whatever I want it to be. I'm blessed, really blessed. It's all in how you took at things. BUT I AM STILL TIRED, even if I am blessed.

Daylight Savings, give it back to me!

There isn't much on my mind today. I think I'm worn out. So I will update peu a peu's look, I think. When I am finished viewing my blog, I always see dots. I will make the dots disappear today. That's my goal, anyway.

Love, Peace, and Sleep I send to you on this Thursday!
Allison

Travelin' Damn Gypsy Show, an Ode to Stephanie

2006-04-05T13:48:00.000-04:00

I finally have the time to tell it. Come gather 'round, everyone, and hear the story of the Travelin' Damn Gypsy Show.

Hopefully you won't get to the end of the story only to say, "That's it? All that buzz for THIS?"
Nevertheless, here is the story of the Travelin' Damn Gypsy Show, not to be confused with the future famous band, The Travelin' Damn Gypsy Show.

The Shehane family was always on the go. There was always somewhere to be. For my sister and me, we were always busy with dance class, ballet, baton, softball, cheerleading, gymnastics, piano lessons, the whole nine yards. We were into anything and everything. We were busy, but I think my parents may have been even busier.

Both Mom and Dad (hereinafter referred to as "Dwan and Susie") had good jobs that kept them busy from 7 am until 6pm. If careers weren't enough to make them tired, they had two mildly hyperactive children, both under the age of seven, who's just "being" could make any adult tired. Children are that way. They are like sponges, always soaking up their surroundings, and their innate responses to everything is, "Why, Mama?" So even when we were not busy with our weekly activities, we were still busy being children. I wouldn't sit still; I was constantly fidgeting. Steph had 20 million questions all the time. We were always biting, wrastling, and kicking one another.

I know I'm jumping around, but stay with me. There is a method to the madness.

Like I mentioned earlier, children are like sponges, so you can usually count on them repeating whatever you DON'T want them to repeat. And Dwan ALWAYS had a smart remark. For instance, when people were acting like a buch of idiots, he'd say, "Travelin' damn gypsy show!" So when my sister's mouth uttered the words, "Travelin' damn gypsy show!" there shouldn't have been any question--she'd gotten it from you-know-who.

One busy afternoon, Susie, Stephanie, and I were in our little gray, Ford Tempo on our way home from Kiddie Kollege (Steph's preschool of choice) and Ms. Maddox's (my babysitter's house). As usual, we were hitting one another, screaming, "Mama, she HIT me! I hate you! Get on your side of the backseat!" (We used to draw an imaginary line across the backseat and if you crossed the line, you got what you deserved) By the time we drove up the driveway, Susie'd had enough. She was worn out from work and screaming kids. She told Steph to get all of our things out of the backseat, because she was fed up. My mother walked ahead. Stephanie, on cue, with her little sister screaming in the background, muttered under her breath, "Travelin' damn gypsy show!" like she meant it. Susie had heard, and had tried not to laugh. Stephanie knew EXACTLY what she was saying, which, in itself, is pretty amazing for a five year old.

My mom just told us that story a week or so ago after she had thrown back a few Coronas. I guess she didn't want to tell us when we were younger because she didn't want us to think that she condoned that kind of filthy talk!

Anyway, corny or not, I gave you the tale of the "Travelin' Damn Gypsy Show."

Talk to you again soon, when the boss isn't cracking the whip, that is.

2006-04-04T13:36:00.000-04:00

Today is Tuesday and...

I'm still super excited that I've discovered my room mate living a few buildings over.

I'm grateful that I have my kitty back. My black and white kitty, Curly, made a break for it on Monday night because someone left the door open...
but David felt terrible about it, and we've got her back, so there is no need to push the blame. I found her, somehow, and she slept in her own little kitty condo that night. Phew!

I'm worried. A new friend of mine, who's in her 50s, who has Lupus, a rare form of cancer, and a son in federal prison for terrible crimes committed against children, tried to overdose on narcotics this past weekend. It didn't work. She woke up. I will see her this afternoon, and I am not sure what I can say to her. I understand why she wouldn't want to live. So I hope God will give me the right words to speak and not to speak, at exactly the right moment they need to be spoken or held in. Please pray for her. Her name is Clara.

I'm ready to be completely unpacked. We still have boxes lying around. What's really bad is that we also have a closet full of books, probably 10 medium-size boxes FULL of them. That's not the bad part. The "bad" (I use the word lightly. It's not really and truly bad, its just inconvenient.) part is that we don't have bookshelves. At all.

I'm GLAD. Glad that we'll be getting a nice sum of money back from Uncle Sam really soon. Maybe we can afford bookshelves...

I'm going crazy with all of these color options! I better stop while you are still reading.

I hope that YOU have the absolute BEST TUESDAY EVER!!!

Alabama IS a small town!

2006-04-03T17:02:00.000-04:00

My sister Steph (www.thegreenlife.blogspot.com because I can't/don't have time to link) mentioned this just the other day. Alabama really IS a small town. Here is just a little something fun for a mundane Monday. And if you're my family, you can stop reading now. You've heard this story at least 10 times.

Yesterday, David and I were poking along, eating our sausage biscuits and enjoying our morning and I saw a silver ragtop down the road from our apartment. I had seen a blonde-haired, petite girl getting out of this car on Saturday and I thought, "This girl looks JUST like my college room mate, Sandy." I hadn't talked to her in years, so I put away my hopes. Sandy and I rebelled at Judson together. We skipped chapel, skipped class, and left the school forever together. We were quite the outsiders, but it was fun because we were outsiders together. But we sort of lost touch.

To get back on track, we finished our food and I asked David, "Pretty please drive me over there to see if that is her car?" We drove over, trying to look inconspicuous, which didn't happen because her car was parked at a dead end. It WAS her car!!

I got all excited. I was acting like a CHILD, I'm telling you! At least this is what David says. I resolved to go knock on every single door of that building until I found Sandy. Thankfully, I didn't have to do such a thing. I heard voices on a second floor porch and rushed up to take a look. There was a guy closing the front door to an apartment, so I gave it a shot and asked him, "Is this Sandy's apartment?" "Yeah," he said back to me, not knowing what he had just done. So I knocked on the door, and he looked at me like I was an alien or something. Sandy opened the door, both of our jaws hit the floor, and the squealing began. "Oh my gosh! What ARE you doing here? Do you live here? In Wetumpka, in MY apartment complex?!" I said without taking a breath. "YOUR apartment complex? NO. Your freaking kidding me. Shut up. " Sandy replied.

Now you must understand how completely random all of this is. Last that I knew, she was at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Last that she knew, I was in Nashville. I shouldn't be too suprised by all of this, though, because she and I have always had similar taste. But still!!

We talked about what was going on in our lives presently and what had happened since we'd last seen one another. It was so good.

It gets better. I asked her, "Where do you work, what do you do?" "I work at a law firm in Montgomery," she said. "WWWWHHHHAAT?" I squealed. And then I proceeded to tell her exactly what I was doing and where I was working...working for a criminal lawyer and a real estate lawyer in Montgomery. It's like we've been living parallel lives or something.

It just doesn't get any better than having one of your long lost best friends move in nextdoor, completely unexpected. I love having the kind of friends that will ALWAYS be your friends, and you can pick back up with them anytime and find them unchanged. It was a terrific way to begin my week. LIFE IS GOOD!!!

Happy Monday.

A New Morning

2006-03-31T17:27:00.000-05:00

New Morning
(From the album "NEW MORNING")

Can't you hear that rooster crowin'?
Rabbit runnin' down across the road
Underneath the bridge where the water flowed through
So happy just to see you smile
Underneath the sky of blue
On this new morning, new morning
On this new morning with you.

Can't you hear that motor turnin'?
Automobile comin' into style
Comin' down the road for a country mile or two
So happy just to see you smile
Underneath the sky of blue
On this new morning, new morning
On this new morning with you.

The night passed away so quickly
It always does when you're with me.
Can't you feel that sun a-shinin'?
Ground hog runnin' by the country stream
This must be the day that all of my dreams come true
So happy just to be alive
Underneath the sky of blue
On this new morning, new morning
On this new morning with you.

So happy just to be alive
Underneath the sky of blue
On this new morning, new morning
On this new morning with you.New morning . . .

Have a good weekend, everyone!!

Silence

2006-03-30T16:06:00.000-05:00

Silence isn't something that can be associated with Allison Shehane Hawkins. And when it is associated with me, it's probably because I'm asleep. But not today. I am not asleep, but I am silent.

Long conversations, sleepless nights, and crying. Funerals and reflection. Life and Death. Living and Dying.

My mind has been in overdrive for the past few weeks.

Maybe I've missed the blessings because I was too busy worrying. Maybe I've missed God because I've been talking nonstop, or crying, or anything else, but not listening.

Today I got a call from my doctor. My bloodwork was normal. I don't have diabetes. I will have to eat every 3 or 4 hours because of low blood sugar levels, but no diabetes.

I've stopped crying and worrying for now, and I am quiet. I don't need to miss the blessings that are right under my nose.

I am quiet and I'm waiting.

Work, Work, Work

2006-03-29T15:49:00.000-05:00

I've actually had to WORK HARD today, so I can't stay long. I've been typing up a really expensive lease for a certain famous football player who grew up in Montgomery and who just signed with a certain pro football team...
and that's all I can say. It is BUSY around here!

Needless to say, I've been crazy today, since I've never done anything this important in the Business World. I'd much rather be hanging out with an old people all day. When I worked with old people, my day consisted of watching The Price Is Right in the morning, fixing lunch for them at noon, taking a nap after lunch, and then waking up to Judge Judy before I left for home. I miss those days.

On super busy days at work like today, I am reminded of my true calling: People, specifically old and/or needy ones. This job, though I appreciate it (and this doesn't mean that it's my favorite thing ever, it just means I'm grateful for the experience), is certainly only temporary.

My plan is to start Occupational Therapy School this summer. Hopefully, I will be able to get some sort of scholarship from Alabama State. Can you believe that only 2 colleges in Alabama offer an OC degree? Alabama State and Tuskeegee Institute are the only two that offer my desired degree. Are you KIDDING ME? Occupational Therapy should be availabe everywhere, since the Baby Boomers are getting older. It only makes sense.

Since I will be going back to school AGAIN, now seems like the perfect time to review my college track record. Before there was Occupational Therapy, I wanted to be a nurse. And before that, I defaulted to Sociology. Before Sociology, there was the Music Major thing. Yeah, that didn't last for over a year. It was too much work, and I'd be paid way too little once I got out into the "real world." I feel a bit like a child who changes her future career every day.

Monday: "I want to be a SINGER when I grow up, Mom."

Tuesday: "No, I don't want to be a singer anymore. I want to help people, so I'm gonna be a nurse."

See what I mean? I was wishy-washy. And I was always so envious of my super smart friends who KNEW what they wanted to do, and knew EXACTLY where they wanted to go to do it-- David Boozer, Tim Spink, and all of the other this-that-and-the-other-atorians out there. Anyway, I don't regret the path I've taken, although it was not the easiest road. Getting married when one is only 20 changes things--Bigtime. I had to quit school and start working immediately. And I worked hard for my $6.50 an hour, but it couldn't have paid tuition if it wanted to. But now I've got some experience. I've worked all kinds of places and I've done all sorts of jobs. And I'm more certain than ever before that I'm waisting my time when I'm not pursuing my passion, old people. So I'm just about ready to get the ball rolling. I'm feeling a little more secure now. I'm feeling like I'm really ready this time. For anything.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share with you my future plans.

Chicken Little and more...

2006-03-28T10:33:00.000-05:00

I was so tired yesterday that I could have slept from 5pm until 6am. But I didn't. I slept from 9:30pm to 5:30am. What good sleep. I am getting sidetracked. Anyway, I have a great husband...
Last night, he cleaned up a little, did some clothes, and even cooked dinner. But I must say, cooking dinner isn't out of the usual for David. He usually does the cooking. I only cook occasionally. And I have no problem saying that he is better at it than I am. And, plus, if I tell him he's a great cook, he might continue to cook...

David let me just sit on the couch and stare at the cats. I was zombie-like last night, to say the least. He did all the work, and all I did was eat and alternate between staring at the cats and staring at the movie. This makes ME a true American!

He cooked my favorite veggie last night, Butter Beans, and we both had Dairy Queen Peanut Butter Cup Blizzards and Chicken Little for dessert. What a night. *sigh* I wish I could rewind back to my dessert and remove myself from work right now.

As far as Chicken Little goes-- I highly recommend it! Chicken Little is G rated, so if G ain't your thang, then don't waste your time. But if you are looking for a little something different (meaning, out of the ordinary-- no nudity and no profanity-- shocking, I know!) then Chicken Little is the perfect fit for you. But I didn't love it because of it's lack of Americanness, I loved it because the movie put a great spin on an old favorite.

how cute is he?
I remember reading Chicken Little as a child. I had it completely memorized. It was so magical to me back then! The movie was just as good. The animators really did amazing things...
they combined different techniques from some of the old favorites, Alice In Wonderland, Snow White, and Goofy. The movie didn't feel so distant from the Disney trademarks. Unlike Toy Story and A Bugs' Life and some of the other newer, 3D cartoons, Chicken Little was a little more traditional. The music wasn't traditional, though. And that classic, Disney music cannot be surpassed by this new stuff. Overall, I think Walt would be proud. Except for the music. I realllly don't think he'd like the music. I think he'd say, "What is this? What happened to the choir and the orchestra?"

I think another reason why this movie was so great was that we haven't watched t.v. in almost an entire month. We only pick up TBN and APT, so that DEFINITELY helped us to decide that no t.v. is the best of our options. There is only so much of the Pink Hair Lady that one girl can stand.

So go grab a copy of Chicken Little if you don't already have one. It's PRECIOUS!

TODAY IS MONDAY

2006-03-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

I get tired of trying to come up with catchy little titles for my blog posts, so I thought I'd try and do the opposite today. This is the MOST BORING blog post title ever in the history of the blogosphere. There should be an award for this kind of thing...

So today is Monday, I'm back at work, and my emotional crying is over for now. I have an amazing sense of peace that only our Heavenly Father can give. I am having a great day. I have a new outlook on life.

My Dad always says, "Every day is good." I used to get so mad at him for saying this. I didn't want to see the day as good, because in my little mind, it wasn't good. But the truth is, every single day IS good.

And today is really good. I have been given yet another day of life. I have most of my health, most of my sanity, most of my friends, and all of my family. What else could I possibly need? A bigger place to live? A car that runs without threatening to stop in mid "go?" Health Insurance? More money?

No. If I had everything that I could possibly want, I'd STILL want more.

Our Abba provides. We shouldn't doubt. He Always comes through, even if he comes through for us in a way that we don't want him to.

Miraculously, all of the money that we've needed for doctors' visits has appeared at the right moment. For instance, an ultrasound is $164.00. One week before my scheduled ultrasound, we got a check from NES for $172.00. How many checks do you ever get in your lifetime from the electric company? Probably one, maybe two. My point is, God is awesome and he takes care of His kids just because we're His kids.

So if you start to feel sorry for yourself today, stop. Don't.

Life is GOOD. God is GOOD. And he certainly knows what he's doing.

" Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6:26

A Confused and Complicated Friday Post

2006-03-24T12:12:00.000-05:00

I am still here. I don't usually miss 2 days in a row on Blogger. I haven't quit my job, I still work at the same ole' job. I'm just trying to hang on as long as I can to this job. I don't want to be a quitter.

This whole blog post will not flow because there IS no logical order to any of this. But this is how my brain works--in fragments and choppy incomplete thoughts. So hang on. This should be interesting. Oh, and just so you know, I don't care about typos and misspelled words on this post. I JUST DON'T!!

First, Mary's post is fabulous today. It's a colorful depiction of her relationship with an older man who volunteers at her work. It is so sweet. It made me smile. Sorry, Mary, still having trouble with the link stuff. I try and try and try, and always screw it up. I'll get it one of these days.

Second, I've been really disconnected, physically AND mentally, the last couple of days. Wednesday, I was so so busy at work that I couldn't find time to blog. I think it was Wednesday. Ah, anyway. Yesterday I was off of work and didn't make it down to our Internet Cafe at the Apts. So....that's where I've been. And I am also off of work today. Let me explain.

If you have a weak stomach, please exit now. This isn't really gross, but if you are the type of person that gets grossed out by certain kinds of doctors visits, then you can stop reading now.

Okay. I had an ultrasound on Wed. afternoon. The doctor just wanted to make sure that everything about my female reproductiveness was working as advertised. He said, "Beautiful Uterus!" I was like, "uh, okay!?" And then he proceeded to tell me that he thinks I have PCOS, which is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This affects 5 to 10 percent of women, but they are mostly overweight women. I'll let you look it up if you are interested in knowing the actual physical effects of PCOS on the body. I don't want to get too graphic. Google has some great links for this thing.

So what does this mean? Well, it means that having children will be really tough or not possible at all. This is a real blow to me. I want children someday.

Anyway, PCOS, like I said earlier, is more often than not, directly related obesity. Obesity is directly related to Type 2 diabetes. PCOS is really only seen in people with type 2 diabetes. And when a diabetic woman with PCOS wants to get pregnant, Glucophage is given to her, and her chances of having a healthy baby are elevated.

This is where it gets confusing for me. I have never been overweight, and therefore have never been tested for Diabetes. My doctor says that the treatment for PCOS is birth control, which I've been on for so long....I hate it. So long as one isn't trying to get pregnant, the disease can be controlled with BC. When/if one wants to get pregnant is when the problem arises. Glucophage can be given when I want to become pregnant, but that means I have to be off of birth control. This is not good, because the cysts will come back, and this could interfere with pregnancy. So we've either been missing the forest for the trees the entire time, or I've developed some rare form of PCOS. I think that we've just been missing the forest.

Ugh. There is some person sitting at the computer beside me talking to herself. Nothing is more annoying than someone talking to herself. NOTHING!!

Anyway, I don't really understand what all of this entails right now. I'm sure I'll get more acquainted with the symptoms and treatments as time goes on.

I will go back for ultrasound #2 in 6 weeks. I'll keep going back every 6 weeks for the next few months or so until we figure out what to do with all of this.

If you are the praying type, please please please pray. Pray for answers to these puzzles, and, I'll be bold, pray for my complete healing. Money is really not an issue, because we'll pay what we have to, even if we charge the doctors visits, but if you want, you can pray for mysterious funds to appear. We don't have insurance right now. And if you aren't the praying type, go on and give it a whirl, you might enjoy it.

I know this seems like a really self-centered post. I guess it is. I just needed to vent. Thanks, once again, for listening to my babbling. Happy Friday! Have a superpendous weekend. Soak up the beautiful weather--GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!

Slow Down.

2006-03-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

"The best reason to take your time is that this time is the only time you'll ever have. You must take it, or it will be taken from you. It is telling that the phrase "taking your time" is synonymous with slowing down. If we want to live life fully, we do best to slow down. I don't suggest that we turn back the clock, trying to retrieve a bygone era when life was slower. We couldn't even if we wanted to. But I don't believe we should want to. We should revel in our electronically supercharged, unbounded world. But, to make the most out of this new world, to avoid feeling overbooked, overstretched, and about to snap, to make modern life become better than life has ever been, a person must learn how to do what matters most first. Otherwise, you will bulldoze over life's best moments. You won't notice the little charms that adorn each day, nor will you ever transform the mundane into the extraordinary."
--Excerpted from Crazybusy, by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.

I read this last night in one of the coolest magazines that I've ever subscribed to, REAL SIMPLE. This is a great magazine, and in it, there are suggestions for living a balanced life, which I am finding is increasingly vital to health and well-being in our instant-gratification, sleepless society. Balance is good. It's good for us all. We make ourselves overly busy, trying to do several tasks at once, because we feel like we have to be doing something all of the time. Muti-tasking is great, but the human mind isn't really made to do a billion things at once. It's great if one can multi-task, but I really believe that multi-tasking is one of the main causes of our mad-rush mindset.

It's good to get back to the basics every now and again. Blogging is fun, the internet is a great tool, the phone is "necessary", the t.v. is entertaining, the list could go on and on. But what about silence? What about hearing your own voice? What about hearing your spouse's voice? Are we hearing anything through the noise of the t.v., the music on our Ipods, or the car horns honking on the freeway?

Sunday, for the first time that I can really recall, I noticed purple flowers growing on a vine. The purple flowers bunched together in a shape that resembled that of a bunch of grapes, triangular, kind of. These purple flowers, Wisteria, have apparently always grown around here. Maybe I've just never noticed them before. Maybe I notice things more since I was away for a few years. Or maybe I've just been to busy to slow down and admire the beauty that God poured into His creation. Maybe we're too busy to notice the simple beauty in every day.

Slow down today and take a look around. Don't forget that every day is a beautiful gift. And today is one more gift we've been given, so thank the Giver of all Good Gifts for today.

It's Raining, and it's Monday, So We Must Be in Montgomery

2006-03-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

We had a fantastic weekend! My Dad had a birthday, so we ate and ate, and we EVEN got to see my sister and brother-in-law.

David and I watched "What About Bob?" again this weekend, but this time we didn't fall asleep. I don't take Tylenol PM on the weekends, so I could actually hold my eyes open for the movie this time. Our attempt at watching the movie on Wed. or Thur. of last week was a FAILED one. We both fell asleep. We are not exciting people these days.

We got ALL of the clothes washed, which is a minor miracle. If you know us (namely DH), you know that we go through tons of clothes. When we moved from the 'rents' house a few weeks ago, we had 18 loads of clothes to do when AFTER we got all settled in our new place and had unpacked various boxes of crap. And I did the 18 loads ALL. BY. MYSELF. I was ready to kill man and beast alike on the Clothes Washing Day from HELL. Anyway, this weekend's clothes weren't as bad. Only like six loads. We vow, from this day forward, to wash one (1) load of clothes each day, even if they don't fill up the washer, in order to promote household stability and to extinguish any future Clothes Washing Days from Hell.

huh. I'm tired now. And my face is red.

All of the funerals are over and we are all going on with our lives. Yes, we are still sad, but we press on. And the hard part is over for me. I still feel bad for the families, though. There is so much to be done when someone dies. Houses have to be cleaned out, decisions have to be made about the person's "stuff," and then there are the houses and cars . . . I mean, what do you do with all of these things that are left behind? And I can't help but think of how weird it is that these people are gone. Everything still gives the appearance of life--the houses and cars are still there, the butter is still out on the counter where it was last used, and the house cat still waits for the old man to come sit in his chair. What next? We love people and never expect to lose them. But we do. We will. I guess I've just seen a lot of it, death, I mean, and it has gotten a little easier. But it's never any simpler. It's always going to be complicated, but now it is just emotionally easier for me. At least that's how I feel right now. I have been known to change my mind sporadically. Anyway, this is life. This is how it goes, and there is no explanation other than this life is really just the beginning of a bigger, greater thing. And if we like this life, we're sure to be shocked at the quality of the next one.

On a completely unrelated note, I am doing my first real closing on a mortgage as we speak....
And I am the QUEEN of Multitask. Really probably not. I'll probably put the mortgage in my own name by mistake because of my multitaskedness.

Oh, and it's going to rain, on a MONDAY! It should be illegal.

Hope Monday's good to you. I, personally, want to go home and play. So for all of you Work-Bloggers out there, only four or so more hours until we're outa here.

2006-03-17T14:39:00.000-05:00

I don't have much to say today except for

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!

And if you don't know the REAL story behind this holiday, you should check it out.
www.saintpatricksday.com
Saint Patrick's Day ISN'T about:

drinking beer

luck

kilts

making out

driving out the
snakes

But these things are all nice, anyway. Except for the snakes.

HAPPY WEEKEND, EVERYBODY!!!

This might be one of the best songs ever...

2006-03-16T10:26:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been really Really hoping that there is a Heaven. I know that may sound crazy. I'm a believer. Maybe this is just a time of doubt for me or whatever, but that's what I've been thinking lately.

My co-worker's mother died this morning.

This has really been a crazy week.

Anyway, I heard this song on my way to work this morning, when doubt was beginning to sink in, and I got chills. You should take a listen even if you don't like country music. This song is great.

WHEN I GET WHERE I'M GOIN

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace

Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

Listen:
When I Get Where I'm Goin

Here's what I am thinking today...

2006-03-14T17:06:00.000-05:00

This will be one of the disorderly blog posts that I tend to write when I don't think through a topic...

Part A

Have you ever noticed how things will go really will every now and again? You know what I'm talking about--you get a new job, you are excited about new opportunities, your spiritual like is on the upswing...

And then all of a sudden, WHAM!! Something happens to you or to someone you care about, and you are back to where you started before all of the goodness came along. Sometimes I feel like screaming, "WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING JUST BE OKAY!?!" I guess it really is true that life is about continual crosses and resurrections. This is Mary's (sorry, I would add a link, but I can't figure out for the life of me how to do that) idea, the crosses and resurrections thing, that I've really been thinking about, especially lately. Anyway, I just wish it could be easier sometimes and I wish I could type into some sort of machine the number of weeks/days/hours I'd like to have between each tragedy...

So yesterday's funeral went well, for Nanna, at least. It, of course, wasn't easy for her family. It was a blue-clear sky day and it couldn't have been more than 70 degrees out. It was SO beautiful.

In the afternoon I rode in the long line of funeral followers down an endless dirt road. We passed the home that my best friend, Emily, grew up in. What a gorgeous place! It is an old, greenish home surrounded by fields and has one, old oak shading the front porch. It was a sight, I'll tell you. I kept thinking how ironic all of this beauty was...

They put Emily's Nanna in the ground at a small church cemetary next to her husband and siblings. For Nanna's Send-off, it was the perfect day, in the perfect place, with the perfect people.

One Send-off down, one to go. The next will be the hardest.

Part B

Not to be disrespectful, but in "Part B," I'd like to change the subject. That is why this is called "Part B."

I hate my job. It's not that I hate to work, because I love to work. I've found that it is better if I am working. We're created to work, right? So its good. Not my job, but to work, that is good. I've been told that there are a few prerequisites for criminal lawyers: Stupid-head 101, Cut-downs 101, and LIER 101. This is, to my knowledge, completely accurate. I have been made fun of, "lied on", and screamed at by my boss. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to go to work, but I go anyway, because its what you do. You don't give up, blah, blah, blah. But this is ridiculous. I've become a door mat. It used to phase me when he'd laugh in my face and call me stupid. Now I just sit here. And stare. And say really mean things in my heart. This simply will not work.

I just needed to vent. Thanks.

When it rains, it pours.

2006-03-14T10:13:00.000-05:00

Well,

This is a short post. I'm in the internet cafe at our apartment complex, not at work, blogging. I had to take off of work this morning because my best friend Emily's Nanna died and her funeral is at 11. Whenever someone who is close to my closest friends dies, I hurt deeply. I really and truly hurt for them. Which is a blessing and a curse, I guess. So, Emily's Nanna is gone.

I got a phone call from Lindsay, who, I guess is still my friend (note: she will ALWAYS be important to me, even though it is "inappropriate", considering the circumstances). She was calling to tell me that Mr. Woodall, who I called Granddaddy because he WAS a gradfather figure to me, died suddenly the day before yesterday.

I loved this man.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I love old folks. They are my calling...
And Mr. Woodall was one of the best. He taught me to shoot a gun, he took me deer hunting several times, and he told me some of the best romancin' stories that I've ever heard. He was such a neat person. And I will miss him so much. At least I saw him recently. The last time that I saw him, we spent 5 hours together, just talking. It was wonderful.

Love you, Granddaddy.

--Allison

Conglomerate Thoughts

2006-03-13T14:58:00.000-05:00

Since I do not post to, respond to, or read blogs on weekends, I am always left with conglomerate thoughts on Mondays. And, it's Monday, so here are my thoughts.
Please Note: These are in NO specific order, and may be completely irrational and/or illogical.

1. We watched Super Size Me over the weekend with my parents. We are the last humans on the planet to have watched this "documentary, " but we watched it, and that is what counts. First let me say that I love the intro. I love the background music, and I really love the obese, cartooned Ronald McDonald. Too funny! I also loved how candid these people were, even if there were a few times when the level of uncomfortableness was so thick you could cut through it with a knife. Remember, my parents were watching, and I don't care what age I am, if my Dad is in the room, the word PENIS will always make me uncomfortable. Did you ever play the "Penis Game" in high school? Anyway, So, it was good. Like all documentaries, though, it seemed a bit extreme. I mean, who would eat McDonald's 3 times a day for 30 days? I know there are people out there who do, but still. It seemed a bit much to me. I know he was trying to prove a point. Thanks, Mr., for the real, live, human experiment.
And the Censors shouldn't allow a documentary that gets a close-up on a man vomiting to be PG-13 or even R. They should make it XXX. I do NOT want to see that stuff. I felt sick the for the rest of the documentary.

2. We've completely skipped Spring. Today the temp is 82 degrees. Global Warming. Or something. I don't care, but take it away. David still isn't acclimated to the weather in these here parts. I hate to tell you, sweetie-pie, but you don't get acclimated. It just doesn't happen.

3. This kind of weather is nostalgic for me, even if it is getting hotter and hotter and soon we'll be wringing with sweat.... sorry. I got carried away. Anyway, this weather makes my entire body rebel. Besides the pimple farm on my chin, the weather makes something inside of me go crrrrazy! Something, the kid in me, the outdoor-lover, or whatever, makes me want to quit working for this jerk-off (who, by the way, called me "stupid" today) and camp and hike and cannoe. I just want to play!! NO MORE WORK!!

4. I work about a block from one of the big, trendy, Montgomery private schools. You know the ones, St. this or that and Trinity blah blah...
Well, I guess the "look" these days is straight, platinum hair, tube tops, and large sunglasses. That's great and all, but does everyone look like this? Are they conducting weird scientific research at the said "private, Christian schools" ? They must be because they all look alike. How boring! What about diversity? Does anyone want to be even remotely different? So, this is getting on my nerves, because I see these kids all day long. Agh.

5. And last, but not least, I am announcing to you, right now, that David Lewis Hawkins, born somewhere in Massachusetts on March 2, 1984, will be joining Peu a Peu to voice his opinions in the Blogosphere. I am thrilled!! And you should be too, because David is one smart cookie. Wait. He probably doesn't want to be referred to as "cookie." He's one smart...uh... one sharp...
well, just fill in the blank with something besides "cookie."

Allison

No TV?

2006-03-10T11:25:00.000-05:00

My wonderfully interesting husband and I were seated in our brand new, coffee-colored parson's chairs, with our legs tucked under our new kitchen table. Chicken Cordon Bleu and steamed broccoli were on the menu, the mood was relaxed, and the cats were kicked back on the couch. Everything was sooo right. Except for one thing: there was this distracting noise coming from the living room...
I kept trying to ignore it.

Like I said, I have a wonderfully interesting husband, and he has so many good things to talk about. For instance, he might tell me about a Kwik Kopy Shop disaster that happened earlier that day, or he might want to talk about politics and how he is beginning to see Bush in a different light. Each of these things is important to me. I want to know what is on his mind.

Anyway, everything was going right. DH was in mid-sentence. I think he was saying something about playing Monopoly or Rummy...
BUT I CANNOT BE SURE.
Why? Because I turned my head around completely, so that I could hear what the newscaster was saying about Carol Burnett joining the Desperate Houswives.
How stinking rude. I don't even WATCH Desperate Houswives. I couldn't care less. Why did I do this?

I think I've got it figured out. I'm addicted to T.V. I'm addicted to mindless entertainment, even if I say I'm not. Surely I'm not the only one dealing with this.

My wonderfully interesting husband (see above) has given up T.V., pretty much altogether. He promises that it is nothing but crap, no matter what we tell ourselves.

I agree with that. But I still watch it. Why? I'm addicted. It's just like any other addiction. And with this addiction, getting a fix is really easy.

I am contemplating giving it up. Just as an experiment to begin with, but with hopes for a more distraction-free existence.

This will be a challenge, if and when I decide to do this, because we have an amazing work-out room where we live. There are individual televisions on each treadmill, eliptical, and bike. These are individual CABLE televisons, I might add. This will be a huge temptation. In our APT, rolled up tin foil is as close as it gets to cable.

I am going to hit the APT workout room tomorrow, so I guess we'll see how it goes.

Chicken Elephants

2006-03-09T14:32:00.000-05:00

On a lighter and more USELESS note today, David and I went to Burger King for lunch today, approximately 1 hour ago. We saw 2 ambulances while we were in the BK parking lot, and we should have recognized that as a sign. Don't eat this!! Anyway, I always get chicken tenders for lunch. I like to taste the same things over and over again, and I don't like to try new things (I am a little scared and I've also been known to spit things out if I don't like the taste) , so I stick with what I know.
So I ordered the chicken tenders, which have ALREADY been looking a little sketchy lately since they changed the finger shape to an elephant shape. David and I argue about what this shape is supposed to be--he says its DEFINITELY a crown shape, but it looks elephanty to me. So they already look funny. Today, they smelled funny. A bit like cat urine, actually. For those of you who have smelled cat pee, and believe me, you would certainly know if you had, you can imagine just how awful these elephant/crown chicken bits smelled. But, I was hungry, and a little voice inside of me said, "There are starving people in China, Allison," so I ate them...

And now I am sick. I am at work, and I am sick. What's worse than being sick and at work? Not being able to get rid of the elephant/crown processed-cat urine taste in my mouth. Now I don't know what in the heck is going on with the King, but I am soooo disappointed by my lack of lunch today. My Famous Amos Choco-chip cookies couldn't even replace the horrible taste.

I don't know what has been going on with me and food lately, but it all tastes NASTY. Exept for Yoplait Whips Yogurt, of course.

Anyway, back to my Elephant- Chicken spill. Burger King CLAIMS that these chicken things are REAL white meat. I don't buy it. What if all of the fast food people are lying to us? About everything!? And what if these things are elephant meat or something instead of chicken. I don't think I can eat for a long, long time. I am ultra grossed out.

Note: I love you, DH, but they are elephant shaped, not crown shaped. Oh, yeah, and don't read this if you throw up easily. And one more thing: the chicken things in the picture are for visual aide purposes, but are not the actual shape of the elephant ones at BK.

Have a terrific afternoon, everyone!! Oh, and boycott Burger King.

Thoughts On My Love-Hate Relationship

2006-03-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

Okay. This has been welling up inside of me for at least 22 years of my life. It’s time to get it out.
When I was a child, I used to hear my Pop say refer to "niggers". We weren’t allowed to repeat this. I am Quite sure that my dad would have "put a serious hurtin’ on my backside."

When I was in high school, I liked a Black guy. We went to church together, we were in band together, and stuff like that. My parents would have hit the roof–White girls just don’t date Black boys!!
Whatever.

When I was in college, an all-girls Baptist college, mind you, the Black girls wouldn’t sit anywhere near the White girls in the cafeteria.

Also when I was in college, it was known that you didn’t stop at certain gas stations, especially the one lovingly labeled the "Stop ‘N Stab" by the girls. Once, David stopped at the Stop ‘N Stab. He wondered why everyone was staring.

When I started thinking about babies, I decided I wanted an African American child. This is STILL my desire. Only now, I know what I am up against. Do you know how hard it is to adopt a child of another race, I mean, other than a Chinese baby?

My heart hurts. There is an aching inside of me. This place where I live makes me hurt. It tears at my heart. Back and forth, back and forth, until it is raw.

We live in a beautiful state–meandering rivers with mossy trees gracing their banks, sandy-white beaches sitting alongside the Gulf, rocky trails winding around canyons and creeks in our state parks. I can close my eyes, and see the God-given splendor of this this place I call home. When I think of my home, I envision all of the beauty of nature that Thoreau describes. And then I think of other things that make this place unique--Pretty ladies and well-dressed men, and white fences around green grass yards. I can tell the best fairy tale of all of the things I love about my home, for anyone who'll listen. The visions and stories of a land of endless dirt roads and slow-talking, southern gentlemen take me to a far off place, a safe one, far from reality.

I open my eyes and I fall back to reality. Back to distraction. Back to consequence. Back to racism and ignorance. Back to everything that isn’t beautiful. It’s always back and forth, back and forth.

Do you ever wonder if you were born at the right time? Like maybe there was some mix-up or confusion, and you came a little too early or a little too late? I do, all of the time, in fact. I often feel that I was born late, that I was MADE to be a hippy, to be a "free love" kind of girl. I feel like I could’ve done something in the Civil Rights Era. But there is always some force fighting that care-free girl inside of me, like the Southern aristocrats who were long ago put in the ground send their spirits to haunt me whenever I try to shake the ground that they are buried beneath. They just won't go away.

The world that I live in is a world of opposites. It’s a world of extremes. It’s a world of Black and White. It has no balance. It has no understanding. It has no love.

This world I live in will go with me if and when I decide to go. It will cling to me because it is, somehow, part of me. I cannot shake it. I can never forget it. I guess all I can do is hope to spark change in my world, and to figure out what it is that I am here to do. There is a purpose in all of this. There HAS to be.

This is a random blog, it isn't very long, Hey!

2006-03-07T11:02:00.000-05:00

AHHHH...

The eternal headache. Yesterday it showed it's ugly face again. But this time it was bigger and more horrible than ever. I went to lunch with my hubby, came back to the underworld (the law offices), and then, WHAM! I was seeing a waterfall in my left eye. This waterfall is an omen that I have been seeing almost weekly since I was seven years old.

Last month, I had one so badly that my left arm went numb and I lost eyesight out of my left eye for a day. I hate to admit it, but I was really scared. I'm ready to be done with these headaches.

I puked at the red light before the river bridge in downtown Wetumpka yesterday, and then again in my BRAND NEW APARTMENT after I found my way back to it. Let me explain. I was so disoriented that I parked, walked up the stairs that I thought would lead me to my own door, put the key in, and then realized this was not my apartment.

These things make me crazy. It is a miracle, seriously, that I am still alive after driving with one.

So, I'm seriously contemplating jaw surgery. Even saying that scares me. I've heard horror stories!! Most of all, and I know this is vain, but I don't want to wear braces again. I am almost 23! I don't want BRACES! After looking at some random, googled images yesterday, I think I made my mind up: this summer, I will probably have the surgery. I wonder if they will have to pull my teeth out...
I think I need to be hypnotized before I decide to do this!

Here are some pictures of before and after reconstructive jaw surgery:

All of a sudden she's pretty now? And her sideburns are gone? Wow! What a miracle surgery!! This one DEFINITELY looks too good to be true.

This one isn't too bad. I just feel sorry for her--look at those bruises!

I'm not liking this picture, not one bit. That is one BIG Band Aid!!

I, THE COPYCAT

2006-03-03T10:54:00.000-05:00

Not that I want to be a blog idea stealer or anything, but I really enjoyed reading "I" on Steph's Blog recently. So, here is my "I" survey, just for the hey of it, in case anyone is interested.

I--

am: a little scared of the future.
know: that I am not alone, ever.
have: a ton to be thankful for. Not a lot of money. An awesome apt. A good life.
hate: rudeness. My boss. I know that is NOT GOOD, but it is true. He's horrible. That people see wrinkles as ugly. That getting older has turned into something we dread. Teenagers (hate is a bit strong, but its as close as I can get to telling you how much I dislike them on this survey).
don't: really like TV. Think I'll be in this job forever. Know when I will finish school.
can't: wait to have a house of my own. Get rid of this migraine that's been returning every day for weeks.
can: lift some serious weight doing squats. Get really happy about cheesecake.
will: hopefully have cheesecake at Carabba's this weekend. Be a minority at a university starting this summer.
won't: let that intimidate me. Stay ONE MINUTE past four thrirty if I can help it. Let my parents' negativity effect me.
miss: Ali, my long lost best friend. My sister. the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Dancing.
fear: big dogs and vomit and in that order.
feel: better than ever about life. kind of nauseous at the moment from the eternal headache.
hear: the fax machine going. Doors slamming in the hallway. The copier's buzz.
smell: Boss #2's Starbucks (I LOVE Boss #2) coffee. Lysol I sprayed the other day when a kid with the croup came in.
crave: nourishment. sleep. balance in my life.
wonder: if I will ever get health insurance. How much longer our cars will last now that they are paid for.
regret: thinking I was ugly for so long.
love: old people. my best friend in Boston. My kitties. My hubby. My family. the idea of one day quitting this job.
dream: about canoeing down the river in the morning all by myself. Of a family. Of being a mom.
care: a lot less than I used to, which is good. About people in need. About people who are lonely.
am not: going to ever fit in with any one group. Giving up. Giving in.
believe: that getting older is beautiful. In God. In the power God has given me.
sing: ALL THE TIME. anything I can get my hands on. Country, Folk, Latin, French, Show Tunes, Hymns....EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING! Not as well as I'd like to.
smile: when old people are holding hands. At little babies. At Angela when she's acting naive, even though she can't see me smiling through the phone.
laugh: at David's DRY sense of humor. At David when no one else is laughing because they don't know he's kidding.
collect: snowglobes, as long as they aren't too cheesy.
play: a wicked game of Rummy.
write: all day long. until my hands hurt.
await: right now, 4:30. in the nearby future, stability and a family.
cook: hardly ever. When I'm giving David a break. When I wake up first, breakfast.
trust: few men. usually, only myself, maybe a few others.
intend: to eat lunch in a few minutes. To go to Wal-Mart (the TRUE HELL on Earth) after work to get cat food and laundry detergent.
look: nice today, for once! tired, though. like I have an eternal headache.
shout: at people on Carmichael Road for not knowing how to use the suicide lane properly.
whisper: um, usually never.
conquer: the spiritual warfare battles I have by audibly saying "Jesus" or by reciting the Lord's Prayer.
listen: more and more these days.
live: more today than I did yesterday. like life is GOOD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAVID!!!!

2006-03-02T11:29:00.000-05:00

Today is David's 22nd birthday. It might seem like a boring age, David, but think about it: 22 sounds SOOO much older than 21, doesn't it? And it's your birthday ALL day today, as you like to tell me on my birthday. Today is also a good time to remember that you married an older woman....
And THAT, David, makes you a really, REALLY WISE 22 year old. Happy Birthday!

Delight and Me

2006-02-28T16:58:00.000-05:00

This is a picture of Delight and me. Delight is the lady that I mentioned in the previous Previous post, "What I'll Miss", the lady that I'd most like to be like when I'm 80. Just thought I'd share!

The Moving Experience

2006-02-28T11:20:00.000-05:00

Here are some things that occured to me during our move from Nashville, TN to the bustling metropolis of Wetumpka, AL:

1. It rained the entire way up 65 North and it didn't stop raining until we were close to Brentwood. It felt like the rain was pushing me into the ground and would never let up. This is a lot like how I felt while we were living in Nashville. On moving day, the heavens poured and poured, as if in empathy for me. It felt good to have company. I felt a new kind of release, almost as much a physical one as a mental one, after the hard rain. It was a very symbolic moment for me. I realized that it was over, that I was free to love my husband and my life fully.

2. We have some of the best and most loyal friends EVER. The Arnold's and the McCarthy's are people that no matter how many miles are between us, no matter WHERE we go, no matter what we've done or have failed to do, they will always be our friends. They are, to me, the greatest.

3. I am reassured that children are part of my future. I will explain later why I say "my future" instead of "our futures." There's an entire post on the way about my experience with the Nigerian children I met on moving day in Nashville. More on that later, once I know more about it.

4. I have the best, most loving, and hardest working Daddy on the planet. His sincere, unblemished love for me almost overwhelmed me this past Saturday. When David and I do have children, I can only hope I will love them as much as my Daddy loves me.

He drove HIS car all the way to Nashville while I slept, paid for a ton of stuff that

David and I needed (including groceries), he worked like a dog, and NEVER COMPLAINED!! I am amazed, I really am. I am such a complainer! Anyway, he helped load the U-Haul, which was hard work, considering we had 3 bedrooms full of stuff. Then, he offered to drive the truck to AL while we stayed behind and visited with some friends. How wonderful is he? The U-Haul broke down while he was so graciously driving it, which doesn't seem fair, but it happened anyway. And he had to wait and wait on us to catch up with him. Then he had to wait again until the U-Haul cranked back up. All the while, he said NOTHING negative. This is quite a feat. If you know the Shehane family, you should also know the "Shehane Factor" which will help you understand why combating negativity is a feat. The "Shehane Factor: If anything CAN go wrong, It WILL go wrong, if you happen to have the last name 'Shehane.'" He is such an example for me to follow. His response to all of this was, "Hey, what else would I be doing on a Saturday? I'm retired!" This is certainly a fallacious statement, since my parents have a beautiful place on the lake and I am sure would rather be doing anything but moving furniture. When we stopped for gas that night, my Dad offered, again, to let David and me stay behind, this time, to eat dinner together. He just kept pressing on in the U-Haul. Anyway, I have the best Dad. I am blessed. I hope that I can learn to love so unconditionally.

The Things I'll Miss

2006-02-27T15:29:00.000-05:00

I have MANY, MANY things to post that I experienced this past weekend while moving from Pergatory, Nashville, TN. But for now, I think I'll acknowledge the good things, the things I'll miss most about Nashville. Note: Nashville is not Pergatory for most; It is, or WAS, Pergatory for me. "Pergatory" is merely a fun little term that David and I like to use instead of "Nashville." To those of you who LOVE Nashville, please mentally replace all said "Pergatory"s with "Nashville."

TOP TEN THINGS I'LL MISS ABOUT PERGATORY (1- best, 10- least best, not "worst")
1. Waffle House and Battle of the Sexes until late late with Trey and Maria Arnold
2. Caramel Apple "Oompa Loompas" (for those unfamiliar with Oompa Loompas, they are really Empinadas, and can be ordered from the dessert Menu) from Taco Bell with Trey and Maria
3. How I didn't even have to ASK for strawberry jelly anymore for my sausage biscuit at Burger King. They knew me well.
4. Las Palmas Mexican Restaraunt
5. The Hwy. 100 Kroger
6. My job taking care of people (usually older). I will especially miss Delight, the coolest 80 year old I know. She has superb taste in fashion, a killer sense of humor, and she's the woman I'd most like to be like when I reach the age of 80.
7. My good friends (they are more like family) the Turmans in Fairview, Tennessee. I took care of Mr. Turman, and he brought so much joy to my life! So did his wife. I cried on my last day working at their home. They taught me all I know about farming and living the good, simple life.
8. The big, beautiful barns and farmland. They struck a chord in me and made me want to capture everything on a camera.
9. Good food from the Copper Kettle. Can't find it anywhere else.
10. The feeling I would get leaving, driving home.

Goodbye, Nashville!

2006-02-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

This is going to be our new place in 2 days!!

Seems like EVERYONE is moving, doesn't it? There are some possible moves that I would really love to talk about on my blog today, but I have sworn to David that I wouldn't, so, I guess I won't. However, I can talk about OUR move, which is set for Saturday. This is really exciting. You will agree if you ever saw our Nashville apartment. Gross. Amelia and Curly, shown below, can sense that something is up. Every single time I try to get in the bedroom they get overly excited and knock down the row of cardboard drawers, blocking my entrance. I bet they think it is funny. I could be making all of this stuff up. My cats could be totally oblivious to anything. As a matter of fact, the striped one acts like I am a new person every time she sees me. Well, I'd like to think that my cats and I are in tune, so if you know something I don't, keep it to yourself.

Anywho, we're moving into a brand new place, which is cool, because neither one of us have ever had anything new (aside from my parents lake house--its not ours, so it doesn't count). No one has ever used the dishwasher, no one has ever missed and peed on the floor in the bathroom, no one has ever puked in the apartment (sorry about the big P word, Steph. It needed to be said. You can uncover your eyes and ears now :) ), and no one has ever tread on the plush, champagne carpet before. WOW! I think we are going to love it. Tonight David and I are going to the empty apartment after we eat some yummy cheesecake, and we're going to annoint the place. We've been experiencing some serious spiritual "stuff" lately, so we feel like we need to have God all over this one.

You may be saying, "It's just an APARTMENT, for Pete's sake!", but it's more than that. We are so pumped about being near family and to be removed from the bad situation in Nashville. And we're glad that we've been given another chance.
Love and Peace,

Allison

Just something I read last night...

2006-02-22T10:32:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.
Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast.
Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.
"For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfulness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the LORD has blessed.
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.

Can I Get A Witness?

2006-02-17T11:46:00.000-05:00

Okay. So I am super nervous. I mean...I know a girl who's super nervous. She works for an attorney, you see, and she's done all of this research on a crystal meth case (a federal case) and she has to testify in FEDERAL COURT on Tuesday. So, I'm freaking out. I mean, I am freaking out for her! We are just so close, its like I am her or something!! And here's the bad part: one of the criminals involved in this case lied and said this girl I know, lets call her "A", she called and asked him questions concerning the case. This is a big no-no and I am pretty sure that A is not stupid enough to call the defendant before first speaking with his counsel. A never EVER did that. Now, They are going to grill her on the stand. I've decided she will probably either a) start crying, b) scream back at the attorneys, c) forget how to speak, or d) not show up (big, big trouble!).
Be thinking about A as she does her thang on the witness stand on Tuesday.

Mary, are you sure you want to go to law school?

2006-02-16T17:38:00.000-05:00

Random reptile that I caught in action

Saturday

2006-02-07T11:39:00.000-05:00

I know this might sound nuts, but I think I was in the presence of an angel on Saturday. After one of the worst trips to Nashville that I've ever had, I thought I'd go visit the old people that I took care of during the time that we lived there. I needed to go see them, because it had been over a month since I had seen them last. That’s what I would do to pass the time instead of imploding. I had a terrible night Friday night, to say the least, and that left me feeling isolated, but calm (and that's a first, really, for me, to have those two things at the same time) on Saturday morning.

For the first time in years, really, I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. Here's what happened Saturday morning:

I was driving from our dilapidated apartment (ironically, on Country Club Lane) with a blank feeling. I was going to see Vester, and, for once, wasn't excited about it. If you know me, you know I get excited about old people. But I wasn't excited, didn't even have the squishy feeling I get in my heart when I see someone who is in need. Nothing. I hated driving through Fairview, Tennessee, and Saturday, especially, I hated that I hated driving through. I wish some of the things that had happened could be erased from my memory. I thought I would stop at the Food Lion to grab a box of chocolates for my friends. They love sweets. I was fighting the tears that had been welling up for what seemed like years and were way overdue as I got out of my car at the Food Lion. As I stepped out of my little red car, it started to snow, and my tears froze. I paused. It was as though it were snowing just for me. There was no one else in sight; no cars passing, no people in the parking lot, not even anyone in the drive-through at the McDonalds adjacent to the grocery. It was just for me, the snow and the stillness. Amazing. I walked through the automatic sliding doors (and at that moment, I was really glad that they were automatic, because I don't think I could've opened the door on my own-that's how heavy I felt) and I passed a man who was in his thirties, probably, carrying a bag of Ole Roy dog food. He was just your average person wearing a blue pull over, cargo pants, and hiking boots. What wasn't so average about him was his eyes. They were a crystal blue eyes-- icy, like the weather outside. As I passed him, he smiled. But it was just your normal smile, the kind of smile that you give anyone when you walk into any grocery store. He walked out, and I walked in. A normal person to person transaction, and nothing else. But the eyes stayed with me. It wasn't like I was attracted to him. That's NOT it. Those eyes, they warmed me all the way to my heart, that part of me that felt so forgotten. Something in those eyes said "Its all going to be okay, Allison. Just be calm and trust."

So I got my chocolates, and I went to the only open lane. In the line was the man with the eyes. I thought he'd already gone...
I'm sure it was him that was on his way out as I was coming in.

And he kept looking at me. Believe me, it wasn't a hubba-hubba look, because I'd had a rough night and it showed. He just kept smiling and his eyes kept speaking. I got embarrassed, almost, because he kept staring. But for once, I didn't look away. And I'm glad I didn't. I needed to hear whatever those eyes had to say. He looked me straight in the eyes, and that was strange. Now maybe he could just tell that something was up, and he kept looking at me thinking, "Gosh, wonder what she did last night," but I really believe it was more than that. It isn't very often that men will look me in the eyes, and I don't mean that in a cruel way. It is just the truth. I'm not man-bashing here, I'm just trying to make my point. Anyway, he shuffled things around in his wallet as my tic tacs and box of chocolates were rung up and bagged. He walked out beside me. It wasn't creepy at all, it was soothing. He wasn't acting stalker-ish; I have a keen sense for the stalker-ish, scarey people, and he wasn't one of them. He went to a van that was parked beside mine-- I could almost swear that I parked in a spot that didn't have any other vehicles around it. I do this out of habit, since my car was hit three times in the same parking lot in Nashville. Before I got in my car and before he got in his minivan, he smiled at me. I pulled out of the parking lot feeling like I was in the presence of something way bigger, way greater than me, than my sorrows.
Call me crazy, but I believe I this man was an angel. I take that back-- I am certain he was.

It started snowing again as I was leaving the grocery store. I doubt I'll ever see snow like that again.

I feel reassured that no matter what happens in life, we are not alone.

VENTALATION

2006-01-23T17:03:00.000-05:00

I didn't ever intend to be a shallow blogger (hey, I'd like to give a shout-out to my friend whats-her-name, etc.), but I simply cannot resist the urge.

Apparently, I am not perfect. I was told so by my best friend just the other day. Can you believe it? I would have a drink in public; I LOVE Will and Grace; I hate cheesy Christian music (not all of it is cheesy, just most). I have several gay, yes, GAY friends. "I don't even know who you are anymore, Allison," said my model Christian friend. "I can't believe you condone homosexuality--that is just wrong."

Somewhere along the way, I lost that need for perfection. I used to absolutely workout to death to be slim, color my hair the brightest blonde to be pretty, and criticize myself until depression fell over me after a poor performace.

I am not sure when I got over the perfectionism that was ground into every fiber of my being, and I may not be over it completely, but I know for sure that I am the same as the gay man, as the drug addict, as the prostitute, as the handicapped. I am all of these. We are all of these.
Jesus' longest conversation recorded was one with a prostitute. That is not a coincidence.

Let me give a "shout-out" to my good friend: Perfection sucks. It cannot be attained. Love people, not what people do or fail to do.

"The Created"

2006-01-22T16:35:00.000-05:00

"From this rough clay
pounded upon the wheel
from this body made of dirt, spinning
like a wind lifted in that turning,
he is making a porcelain,
fired in the kiln and glowing,
a vessel of intricate filigree
planned and wrought
before the world was made,
of bones the bone-white
light, translucent.
He is making a finer thing
than could have been
without this molding.
Through pain, through loss,
through gain, through prayer,
through need
when we have called to him-- all these
are but the trim of gold,
the leafy patterns encircling the rim
of what is beyond imagining.
See what he is creating
from this rough clay,
made by his own hand,
to grace the table of a king.
Slowly we are forming."

poem by Sue Scalf, from "What the Moon Knows"

2006-01-18T17:12:00.000-05:00

Well,

I can't BELIEVE I am actually posting a second time. Absolutely amazing. I feel as if my brain may explode right now. I'm not at all tech savvy, so I've been trying to figure out how to get something really simple done on this dang computer for about 4 hours now. Anyway, I thought I'd take a break and blog my little heart out.

I know that the meaning of life is to find happiness, at least thats what most would say. The lawyer I work for is Mormon (not that it really matters what he is, I just thought it would add a little umph) and he says that happiness is found through good works. "The Laws of the Universe", a site I found while searching for happiness via the internet, says that I create my happiness and that everything that is good is God, therefore I am God...

What does it mean to find true happiness, anyway?

What IS happiness?

Is it all around us, but we just overlook it?

This is something that has been on my mind for years (off and on). Yes, I have "joy". But that is not the issue. Mr. Larry likes to say that "Joy is independent of circumstance." And I believe he's right.

What is it that will make us happy? Or is that the point, that we'll never be truly happy, so we must put our faith in something else (Or someone else).

Such loaded questions, I know.

2006-01-17T16:08:00.000-05:00

Let us hope that my 3rd attempt at blogging with be a success. Third times a charm? Maybe?
My hope is that I can exchange ideas with friends and even random people. This post is mostly a test. Testing one, two; Testing one, two, three. Maybe there will be something on my mind tomorrow.